Why the fuck was there a shirtless Mexican in my apartment this morning?
I've been watching too much manswers. Cuz i know scissoring doesn't work on a motorcycle.
She washed her feet in the sink at white castle. I want this girl in my life.
Going to an AA meeting just so I can fuck him...That's dedication
Yeah. I had to take off my shirt. It's soaked in weakness.
After you tried speaking to him in whale you asked if you could see his "blow hole." That's how bad it was.
Well my dad thinks I wake up at 3 or 4 am every day. Really it is just all the booty calls, but I'm glad he thinks I am so motivated
...You tried to use your wallet to call her after you gave your cell phone to the cab driver as a "peace offering"
I just want someone to shove bread from panera down my throat
I'm just waiting for the avalanche of beef.
We need to talk about your improper dealings with the town drug dealer.
Like why am I even still facebook friends with a guy I let finger me at a concert?
You know you're good at multi-tasking if you can get a lap dance from someone while simultaneously eating a burrito.
bonus check + party bus = big hot mess
On a scale of one to ten how bad is it that the first cardio I've done in months is jogging to the bars?
I'll just go with dedication.
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