Question. If Kwik Trip and Kum and Go were to merge, what would they call it? Kwik Kum or Kum Kwik?
I take no responsibility of who alcohol hooks up with using my body!
These 3 days between Christmas and new years when all the bosses are on vacation are essentially a competition to see who can do the least amount of work
Vodka + horseback riding = vomit in the saddle bags
the australian girl literally just drank an entire pitcher of beer in about twenty seconds. i want to go to there.
Oh, and my friends believe you should reimburse me for the brazilian that was gone to waste.
she worked me into her spring break cardio plan. im mondays and wednesdays.
Its a good night to get drunk in my onesie.
Why did you make me get in the car with you and then not give me a ride? I woke up in a bar with a blanket on me.
Listen man, there's two things I know about in life: porn and sound. On a day that I'm wearing khakis, I need you to trust that I know what the fuck I'm doing.
I was afraid she wouldn't be able keep up but I woke up in a bathtub, she called me a pussy and made me pancakes.
My doctor wrote down abstinence as my form of birth control. #ihavenodatinglife
Because it's not worth it. And there is no nice way of saying "sorry, you're not good enough at sex for me to drive 45 mins"
I couldn't find the oven mitts so I used a thick stack of tortillas
I love standing in line at rite aid for 10 minutes being forced to talk to my ex's mom about life while I'm holding nothing but yeast infection cream
Randomize
