I just met lou reed's venus in furs. Her hands are slippery.
How does everyone that never saw me naked know I'm built like a smurf?
I cannot find my penis.
my "about me" section on Facebook should read "hell-bound alcoholic who wants to fuck a 40-year-old crackhead"
I only knew it was midnight because i got happy new years texts while i puked outside
Zip lining have a big frozedn drink with 151 rum chippendale pic life is GREAT
We're in the kiddy pool eating marshmellows and drinking wine out of a box. Please dress casual.
Someone just got pizza delivered to the liquor store.
I won't let penises inside me if you won't let tequila inside you, deal?
He was awful. Hubby's was apparently epic. I suck at swinging.
I just put on lipstick to sext him. That should tell you where my love life is at.
Hi. Tara tells me your sandwiches and stamina are substantial
i texted "amiibo vore" to my insurance agent instead of someone else. do you think they'll raise my rates out of disgust?
I hate csi yet I find myself watching a full marathon. I am also eating hotdog buns stuffed with barbecue chips and they are quite tasty
Getting knocked up by someone with a good job and a big dick, okay. I can handle that. Getting knocked up by someone who sells dildos for a living and has a tiny dick, SOMEBODY is losing a pair of balls.
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