I'm pouring my heart out in these texts and you're going around showing everyone???
The whole way homeyou were flapping your arms up and down, and when I asked why you said you were trying to tell Tony Danza about the angels.
i don't think my life will be extraordinarily more meaningful if i let him put his tongue in my butthole.
I think the puke all over the side of my car actually improves its appearance.
Im the macgyver of cooling down beers. The toilet tank was blocked so I couldn't use it.....
Wow, nothing is more special than changing the channel and seeing the guy who groped you on Saturday night...
He was just lying on the living room floor watching Star Wars with six empty pack of cigarettes and two empty cases of beer.
In his defence I guess I did take the bed, couch and dining room set in the breakup.
Chang gave me a 1.5 gallon beer tasting cup, i have a new boyfriend with a huge stick, Members of the Irish Rugby team slapped my ass and cheered for firmness, and a couple of strangers are naming the child after me. Best. Weekend.Ever.
We're super invested in me shitting to my full potential
all a girl really needs is a few good pair of leggings and a drug dealer that delivers.
Take the weirdness of Japan and add the insanity of Florida and that's Jimmy
THIS MOTHERFUCKING ROOSTER
IT KEEPS CHASING ME BACK IN THE HOUSE
FUCK THIS BIRD
I was just tongue fucked into oblivion.
I opened the door, threw up on the street, wiped my mouth and flashed a thumbs up to all of the cars behind us and kept on driving
Step one: We finally agreed on an au pair that we both wanna fuck.
Randomize
