The only thing I want to hear out of a girl's mouth tonight is, "slurp".
I told her I was horny and she said to forget it because she has vagina drama.
WHAT IN THE HELL IS VAGINA DRAMA?!
Would you want me to push you down the stairs OR throw you a baby shower?? Real talk
One question: Why is your trash can full of blood and pop-tarts?
There's a wake for a coworker on 420 during te time of 420... Hoping everyone will be too sad to notice how high I am.
Just wanna let u know that we are almost on the pity blow job level of our friendship.
I can't believe I cried over a sausage mcmuffin.
pregamed for the floor meeting. so stoned. i keep thinking my RA is shrinking.
I think my uterus is still laying in your bed somewhere under the covers.
we left the music on while we were fucking. some kanye west song started playing and he started to cry
He made me cum 4 times, we high fived afterwards and then I proceeded to tell him about this guy I'm dating whilst I made him a bacon sandwich. I think we've finally mastered being friends with benefits.
I'm gonna eat more dunkaroos to cope with what's in my vagina.
People trash cargo shorts, but I'm like, sorry I had room for beers and you didn't.
I WAS SURROUNDED BY HAIRY BALLS ALL ALONE.
dude im trying to eat his ass so can you stop for 10 minutes
Randomize
