it was all good till he told me to dance slow and quiet
glad my latex allergy prevents me from being a one-night stand whore
Is making out on a toilet while he is sitting down and pissing weird? cause that's what happened last night
Sometimes I get depressed that my son is too young to understand how hot his babysitter is.
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Balls are like the throw pillows of the penis
This is one of those situations that make me think to myself "what life decision did I make to get here"
We totally just fucked in a closet. These vacations with his family are causing creativity I never thought I had.
I always know the weekend is over when the real license comes out and the fake goes back into the hiding spot.
He fell off the roof... he clearly has not been preparing for summer.
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I got stood up on a date. They are singing "dancing with myself" on karaoke in my honor.
So I paid for the taxi using pennies and hair clips, no need to thank me.
If you've never been partying there before, take Shae with you. Drunk Shae is like a GPS. She found us the only bottle shop still open at four, a pot dealer, and told us all which subway to take to get home. She'd never been to Madrid before. It was awesome.
I woke up beside him and almost cried. Then I realized you were on the other side so I knew I hadn't made any bad decisions.
The blunt fell in the hottub, i mean i knew she was upset but i didnt expect her to dive for it and come up balling her eyes out...
Once you start using "cuddles" as a code word for sex you'll never get real cuddles again
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