ur dog is so gonna tell on us one day.
for doing what?
for smoking bowls out on the deck while your parents aren't home.
is it bad that i regret hanging out with a girl tonight because that means i have less time to sit on youtube watching xmen cartoons?
It's so hard to take my boss as an authorative figure with her New Moon movie tickets taped to her wall
we are out of drugs. and patience. please bring former.
You were trying to swim on the floor while eating a hot-dog bun and laughing about how much you hate bread and didn't understand why you were eating it..
doing an easter egg hunt in a liquor store right now. i feel so adult
"Functional." Your standards for how you feel after drinking are so high.
When your night starts by chugging margarita and drinking vodka out of tupperware, I feel it's best to stay realistic.
BUT I think maybe Thursday in celebration of America we should probably tan and see how fast we can finish everything in the liquor cabinet.
I didnt finish. My brain kept playing the duck tales theme thru the entire blow job
I can't tell if I'm still on the hangover from last night, or if I'm experiencing the one from tomorrow, because it was so powerful that it actually traveled back through time...
it was just another one of those moments where you unfriendzone a friend you assumed to be gay
yeah, never be friends with someone with shitty eyebrows.. they obviously already make poor life choices
It's cuz all she eats is salt lick, human souls, and fast food
wtf I can't believe that bar tender told on me to my mom
He may not be good for my soul but he’s great for my vagina!
Randomize
