Is there a tactful way for me to ask a girl to let me know when she gets her period?
we were just talking about designated drivers and i suggested we each hire a mexican day laborer to give us piggy back rides... i have the best ideas eveeer
Jon just got arrested by the quesadilla police
What?!?
What I actually meant, is I had a quesadilla, and Jon got arrested by the real police
It was as awful as eating cow testicles on fear factor and not winning and realizing you ate balls for nothing.
dude i just made a burrito by wrapping 2 packs of scooby snacks with a fruit roll up. im so high
Theres just something about looking at pictures of your dick in church that doesn't feel right
My life is a requiem composed in the key of fuck.
Let me begin my 3 part apology by saying that you are a wonderful human being...
Wow, nothing is more special than changing the channel and seeing the guy who groped you on Saturday night...
I'm sorry for biting your husband's ass last night.
I have no idea, but there's a bus parked in front of my house and like 6 texts saying im gonna prove my love. this is either really really awesome or really really bad.
We're at the liquor store. Then going to the hospital
I somehow turned head, shoulders, knees, and toes into a sobriety test
I had sex in the back of a hot foreign guy with a lacoste eye patch's car
My only contacts are booty calls or the club hockey team.
Randomize
