Ikea night.
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Insert tab A into swedish slot B
you laugh because clearly you have never had to clean poop out of a tub
getting caught by my parents in bed with another guy was way easier coming out than telling them over dinner like I had planned.
He passed out on the floor and you kept hitting him in the dick and screaming "hammer of justice".
She scratched my sunburn during sex. I didn't know whether to cry or cum
It makes no sense at first, you go with it, it's fun and entertaining and then a disaster
Let us bow our heads and pray that I don't throw up in the tub
The night is not complete until I am drnk and speaking to inanimate objects
MY INSIDES ARE BASICALLY BEING WRUNG BY A CHAINSAW IM NEVER TAKING PLAN B AGAIN
Are you saying I'm your favorite hot mess?
I'm actually my favorite my hot mess, but you're a close second.
He put his number in my phone as Steve handsome
I just woke up and my ass is covered in honey and my eye brows are shaved off.
Did you just correct my spelling of a made up word?
No, I just was using your word in plural form
I just found an old slice of LIME in my wallet?????????
You went on the date? His pickup line was I swear I'm not a serial killer and you went on the date???
Randomize
