Have u ever been so drunk that pissing urself felt like a better idea than walking to the bathroom? I entered those waters last night
just found the deal breaker
hairy back?
he can't live within 1000 ft of a school
Finished drinking tea out of a red party cup when I was done I flipped it without even thinking
I usually would've stopped there but I kinda remember opening the bottle of vodka, and we ALL know that's when things go downhill.
Only you would get a date out of getting hit by a car
At second job interview this week. Wearing pants to hide pole dancing bruises. This my life.
Sex last night was mind blowing. your wife is one lucky lady.
Bone him for me, BONE HIM TWICE FOR ME.
I'm still in my ugly sweater and underwear drinking coffee next to a plate of assorted treats we stole from the party. I got a new sweater by the way, its shoulderpad-y and looks like a news anchor got thrown up on by Liberace. I'm pretty proud.
Totally forgot I asked the cop for a theoretical fist bump and he still let me drive away
The bathroom smells like ribs. What did you do?
Liar. My heart is broken and my boobs are disappointed.
I've entered the world of uncircumcised penises. It's disgusting.
Had to drive my booty call home because he had an asthma attack after we had sex .. How was your night?
According to timehop today marks the 3rd anniversary of my 1st blackout
Randomize
