Is it wrong to want to cut a hole in the Tigger suit so I can molest you while I wear it?
dude I heard her through my door. She sounded like you were holding her head under water and they letting her up for air. I recorded that shit
For future reference, when you see people who look like Rosie O'donell, do not tell them they look like Rosie O'donell.
If you're still on campus there's a jack and coke in the bathroom of fondren science Bldg. Too strong to bring to class.
There are 144 bottles of wine in my mother's pantry. She just shrugged her shoulders and said it was for the wine pong tournament on Christmas Day.
A man bought two 40's from me, then asked if I had duct tape. How do people over 50 know about Edward 40hands? It was very weird.
It doesn't matter how many beers you've had, it's unacceptable to piss in someone's helmet after a playoff win.
i’m not very adjusted to having free time. for example, I forgot how much fun it is to masturbate.
i'm about to be the still-drunkest person on the ellipticals
spending my first valentines day single in 3 years blazed and eating heart shaped brownies i bought myself. WHO NEEDS A MAN.
I got sucker punched while I was making out with some girl...I think my molar might have flown into her mouth
Something like that. Healthy diet of beer, ranch sunflower seeds and sex keeps me young.
Sorry for peeing on you and your bed last night.
I'm on the fast track to lesbian land
Can I just go naked and covered in glitter?
Randomize
