at some point when you're making out with the ex girlfriend of your ex fuck buddy who happens to be the ex boyfriend of the girl that you just got drunk with who was hitting on your current fuck buddy who is best friends with your ex boyfriend, it just hits you: oh my god i need to get out more and expand my social circle.
Not only did a random toaster end up in my house last night, it's also full of skittles.
i know, but like... i wanna be a CLASSY i'm-stealing-your-date kind of slutty...
All i learned in high school was how to sell drugs
she was home schooled till college. were she learned how to give the most amazing blowjobs is still a mystery.
he has officially spend more money on me than any other boy. and its all gone to plan b. awesome.
Yeah getting kicked out of the bar at 1 pm really set the tone for the day.
I can always tell I missed tequila night based on the hickeys on your neck man. Fucking call me.
I thought it was a myth but I have just reached the age of sitting on my balls. Not a fan.
Should I feel guilty that my husband is cheating on his girlfriend with me? I mean, we're not divorced yet so I still have dibs, right?
Just because he told you it was safe doesn't mean you should have licked it.
I am more than mildly offended he didn't screenshot the snapchat of my boobs.
I can't control his boners. I can only encourage them.
However many condoms you have, it isn't enough.
He passed out while I was riding him but stayed hard long enough for me to orgasm. He definitely earned the blow job I’m going to wake him up with in the morning!
Randomize
