were having a shit on karen session at work but then she walked in so we used code names instead and she tried to join in like she knew them
I literally just watched a girl motorboat herself
I know...I feel like disliking her as a person on facebook
you freaked out because you thought your face lotion was cum in a bottle
You don't understand how difficult it is to give head with cotton mouth
she gave me a handjob in the middle of the night and my stomach growled so she walked out totally naked and came back 5 minutes later with two sandwiches. who the fuck says getting married is awful?
he put $150 on the cabs dash so 9 of us could pile in and ride 3 blocks to the apartment.
He's cheating on his wife, and he's judging me for eating McDonalds
Everyone is slow dancing to Aerosmith. I am serenading a slice of pizza.
It's one of those things you just need to see in person at least once in your life. Like Niagara falls or some shit. His ass is the Niagara falls of asses
Idk. The last coherent text said something about $25 & dimes. And then...it's just letters...
I'm almost too hungover to function. Got into the wrong car by mistake. there was a rotweiler in it. Thank god he was more confused than i was for a minute.
I shaved my pussy for you. If you complain about a single hair that I missed again, you will be greeted by a bush the next time you go down on me and i will MAKE YOU KEEP GOING
In the morning when you read your texts, just fyi you showed up at my house drunk off your ass and shoe less and demanded I go to the bar. You need Jesus.
Are you done yet? I've eaten three corndogs so I'm ready 2 party.
Randomize
