Standing in line for a prescreening of Alice in Wonderland - guy just passed out cold in front of us - first drug overdose of the Alice in Wonderland phenomenon witnessed.
I woke up face down on my laptop with three windows open: itunes, chat roulette and redtube
When I was with my girlfriend I was averaging 1 random hookup a week. In the 2 months I've been single I haven't got any. I think I need her back.
scratched cornea got me an eyepatch and a blowjob from a girl with a thing for pirates
I saved him as teletubby in my phone....that can't be a good sign. I'm not answering.
obviously my window is still shattered. they're pressure washing my condo today. i think i need a bloody mary.
I performed "get broken glass out of my shoulder" surgery last night... Drunk, with a what-a-burger straw.
All I wanted was a quiet evening to masturbate and eat cake and instead you ruined it by bringing girls over.
I let him fuck me in a batman costume. Don't talk to me about needing to read fifty shades gray.
I came in and I guess my parents didn't hear me. My dad just said "Don't be lazy, RIDE IT." to my mom. Never coming home again.
I didn't want to but I was drunk in a Disney bathroom with her and had a weak moment.
I just ate beer and cupcakes for breakfast.... maybe this fourth of july won't be so bad
she stole my Timberlands and my Sublime shirt and left her heels and bra. this is war
I'm willing to share. He can have sloppy seconds.
You just kinda wondered into the street and started screaming at dogs and small children...
Randomize
