isnt it creepy that our bodies make people
new revelation: five guys for breakfast
new revelation: previous revelation not a good revelation
Most guys don't get turned on by "skinny, gangly legged girl with glasses laying in bed touching herself." You better start working on your diction if you're gonna keep up the sexting.
I could tell by the Randy 'Machoman' Savage "hey brother" that you were beyond inebriated
Well today was Thanksgiving Anti-Miracle Daydrinkathon so I had to be drunk by 2pm
Don't use the things I tell you while drunk after the bruins won the cup against me
she made a facebook for her toddler.. his likes include lil wayne and ice luge. He has more friends than i do. I mean, Seriously? there's not enough booze in the world to make thanksgiveing bearable
I just found a list in your handwriting titled "Places I've Peed." The National Mall and 'under the second bridge after the bend in the road' are two of the tamer entries. I tip my hat.
I left the guinea pigs on the dryer. Make sure to take care of them.
It's 2:10 am I am sprawled on the floor of the kitchen drunk and eating cold chicken wings come help
My purse is like an anchor I can't move I am sliding around like an over turned turtle send help
This floor is really dirty send a maid if you can
P.S. If you wake up before noon it still counts as morning sex
Well my summer has already been productive. I partially caused a divorce.
I'm watching Netflix with my cats and eating homemade bread. Everyone and everything can go and fuck itself.
There is a man in my bed with "new zealand" tattooed on his back. Wtf happened last night?
Everyone has seen your nipples. It's like asking if they ever walked on grass. You need better hangover questions.
Randomize
