You called information & said "connect me to johnny depp" when they told u it wasn't listed u said " try depp comma johnny he's expecting my call"
I just looked at my iPhone gps history... "the gas station", "the park with a big scary fence", "the trampoline", and, my favorite, "where we were when we were about to do lines off a bible".
The extent of my physical activity is running from the cops.
I'm this close to masturbating to his profile pics from 2006
until he told me my vag was like a juicy apple and he loved eating it, yes, i really did think we were both sober.
Ok! I picked up an anti-celebratory bottle of champagne on the way to dinner for her going to rehab. That's how I feel about this...
Besides the flaccid incident, it was decent. Average sized. So this is my life now. Loneliness and lackluster sex.
Bathtub guy came to. He helped me roll the fat chick away from the fridge. Shower and breakfast are on. You're plan failed!
Buying a pregnancy test at Walmart in the middle of the night in the middle of Tennessee is not really how I imagined my 25th year on this planet starting out...
Things I have learnt this week: bubble mix is toxic. Extremely toxic.
You what they say. One dick in the hand is better than two in the bush
I was going to text you that earlier, but I felt like before 10 was probably to early to bring up boners
2014 decided to stick it to me one last time. Right up the ass.
sorry I blacked out our whole relationship
You can be responsible and still be on that ho life
Randomize
