Note to self: soco dudes get amusinly uncomfotable when I moan at the urinal.
My grandma just told me that she sharted, no I am not having fun in El Paso.
Overall win. We all know who got to sleep on the concrete outside of Denny's with you.
Mcdonalds hasn't even finished serving breakfast yet and u two are getting drunk?
Its not gay if you're best friends and there's less than an inch of dick in the picture. That's where the line is drawn
Not only did I get beyond cray cray this weekend. My body has nursed itself to plentiful and impeccable health. Fuck you world, I am back.
I just had to call my mom to come pick me up stoned at a Lana's house and beg her to buy me Taco Bell. I'm graduating from college in 14 hours. Fuck
I am drinking fireball and apple juice out of a sippy cup like a fucking toddler.
I woke up and there was a mans ass as my screensaver...
I want to bone him until his eyes fall out
Well there's a microwave in my yard now too. I fucking Bruce/Caitlyn Jennered decathloned that bitch.
So now I know what having sex while surrounded by chickens feels like.
You're wasting your dick. It needs to be bestowed upon the masses.
You know you have an interesting job when you go to work and have to Google search "How to get poop out of a dryer".
there's a bowling ball in the dishwasher and a dog bone in the freezer
Randomize
