i just woke up naked on my porch, holding the neighbors cat in my arms.
youre talking to a girl on facebook chat right now and im sitting behind her in class lol. creepy?
his dad told me thanks for making his little boy a man at breakfast this morning
My mom just blew pot smoke into my nose and called me a cat.
Also pregame at mine tomorrow?
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bringing a ziploc bag full of Jim Beam to the movies may not have been the best idea.
I'll be on pinterest all night planning crafty things to do with my cats in 10 years.
after further investigation i found out he's a little bit married..
I have a new favorite bar game. It's called, get dressed up and go drinking alone then make up random stories of why you are alone to look less like an alc
The cop used the word "belligerent" 16 times in the report. You get to bail him this time. I'm not up for it.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
you ate the make a wish sign. Like actually chewed on it. It was our solution to going outside when the cops were there
There was this blissful moment of peace and quiet... then you ran past our window with a lit firecracker in hand going, "SHIT. SHIT. SHIT!"
there's cocaine on the ipad again........... was your sister here last night?
Is there like a dick file on me? Guys can't hold two dicks anymore?! Who are you people????
It's the 3rd day of the year and I've already sucked two dicks. New year same ole me.
I haven't gotten this high alone in a long time. I keep looking at the cat waiting for her to say something.
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