I don't usually arrange sex via text message
There's an old bald Japanese dude on the metra next to me. He's drinking MGD on a crowded train, and rocking out way too hard to what may be the same Dallas Green song I'm listening to. Life is sweet.
This is worse than the time I broke into Subway to steal bread.
sometimes you just have to pull up your panties, blow a kiss to the security camera and walk out of the alley like nothing happened.
Leaving ole miss girls house to go to the stripper girls house. Why did it take losing my job to start getting laid all the damn time?
I cant tell which is worse. That its only my third time doing laundry this year or that its the first time ive done it sober.
I am just going to stick my boobs out and hope for the best
She was eating leaves off of trees and saying it was salad, and even told a guy in passing that her favorite color was plaid.
The bong is packed and it's taco Tuesday come over
For new year's, we should just keep our resolution simple and keep accomplishing burpees in heels.... while drunk.
I GOT THE PAPER IN AT 11:58
EAT MY ENTIRE ASS COM 101
He fucked me on the hood of my car outside his work, and now I'm paranoid that the doggie day care next door might have security cameras.
sex on a trampoline, in the rain, on ecstasy, just thought you should know.
I want to strut with the confidence of a pigeon.
There's something sensual about taking off a pair of socks.
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