this girl just gave me her phone number and 5 mins later right in front of me she is giving her number to another dude
call her and ask her what she thinks she's doing
you were smoking 3 cigarettes at once saying 'cancer isn't real! Its all in your head!'
So after tequila Thursday, Jess broke her arm table dancing. Now her and Andrew look like the perfect drunk couple, matching casts and all.
Tell me right now I did the right thing by not fucking my sick gf at 3 am with her family home... Tell me my balls hurt for noble reasons.
Why can't I hire someone to teach me how to be a decent human being?
Haha, I gave you the rest of the cash I had on me and you bought 3 shots for yourself and beer for everybody except me FUCKFACE.
Roomie questionaires don't ask any of the important questions like "how do you feel about one night stands" and "will you judge me post-walk of shame"
I feel so bad for your roommate
Your life is one shit show away from being a lifetime movie.
Oh man 11pm. That means it's time to take my shirt off an eat a brownie
I woke up with what appeared to be LSD in my pocket. Know anything about this?
Red Alert: She has 3 cats, a parrot, and 2 rats. Initiate Protocol Zero and rendezvous at Checkpoint Bravo for debriefing
Get your ass back to America. We've got a lot of drugs to do.
we didn't have sex though. because i have the will power of an ox.
You took the receipt and ate it. You then took it out and gave it to the waitress with slobber and holes all over it.
just saw two mice fucking on our bed...i think its time to find a new place to live
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