I woke up at 5am and he was watching me sleep... Come get meee!!??
The more my room-mate speaks, the more I notice that she was home schooled.
i figure i've seen his cum stains on the floor, i'm allowed to say these things.
I'm pre-party power houring. It's so catchy I couldn't not do it
I wonder if that one guy remembers you sticking salami to his forehead when he was passed out on new years eve.
1. They have gold fish races every wednesday. 2. They have a redbull vodka slushie. We need to visit this place.
1. My fish will beat your fish. 2. Were getting fucked up
It's like salsa. But with balls in it. I like to call it balsa
Started with us just having a beer. Now Ivan lit a torch to walk to the store, Ben smashed a 26 in the parking lot, and they're throwing broken shot glasses. Fratio Friday is something.
You're the Michael Phelps of my vagina. Most decorated Fuckolympian of all time.
Am I going to be on condom boxes?
He's living a porn movie. He's slept with a waitress at her work for lunch, a bar tender at the bar that night, and the cleaning lady the next morning.
I fail to see the problem of enjoying a glass of wine while I poop...
the point I'm tryimg to make is that you didn't need to take the whole box in with you
I just had a fifteen minute conversation with a Raccoon by the garbage bin. I was feeding it chex mix.
I accidentally left my shirt at my booty calls house. He washed it & hung it up for me in his closet. I can't decide if that's sweet or creepy
Just got home, my brothers stoned and he got a high score on COD.. He just asked me if I wanted to have a celebrational yogurt with him. Wtf?
i'm not sure you can trust me in a car with 20 dozen donuts
Randomize
