were having a shit on karen session at work but then she walked in so we used code names instead and she tried to join in like she knew them
Call it a failed empirical study as to whether drugs would make her more interesting. or at least better in bed.
Now I'll never know if Megan finds a millionaire.
I'm cheering for the colts this year. I basically have to since my fake says i'm from indianapolis
It's kind of sad that your greatest accomplishment today is that you stood up and didn't fall down.
Apparently the library doesn't care about celebrating the day Jesus became a zombie.
So many bounce houses so little time
My fuck buddy took time out of his date with his girlfriend to text me happy Valentines Day.
Something strange is happening to me, I think I miss hooking up with girls sober
Dude. Remember the only two rules I set for that? Always have a sober friend and don't do drugs with a fat chick.
The secret to finals week is to have an orgasm for every point you need on the test before you take it.
You seemed underwhelmed by my smooth, smooth ass
Once you share a nude experience with someone and three Norwegian guys, you're bound for life.
At one point, the bartender wrote out the words "please kill me" on some receipt paper and slid it across the bar to me.
Let's make a rule now, to not smoke weed out of our trumpets. After tonight.
Randomize
