This kristen chick is fuckin nuts. She's pyscho. She's a trainwreck. She carries baggage. She's... Perfect.
You're perfectly engineered for doggy style
That level of neurosis does not find love outside of Grey's Anatomy.
Admittedly I was a little ambitious with some of the positions but you walked in during the worst of it.
Currently in a meeting. i am playing the not throw up game. god i hope i dont lose.
finding my wedding ring encrusted in vomit this morning really just topped off last night...
I just told someone i was in "addition and subtraction 160".......and they believed me.
Can you give me a hickey quick? Im going to a white trash themed party. Completely serious
If you like her enough, bring her with. If not, eloquently cunt punt that bitch through the field goals of life.
my mom went out and bought me new sheets and redecorated my room. its like she's more excited for me to get laid tomorrow for the first time in two months than I am.
My goal for the night is to see your housemate's one lonely teste.
I hooked up with a guy dressed as Justin Timberlake, while dressed as Britney Spears. Fuck Jessica Biel, all my 90's dreams are coming true.
Calm the fuck down fatty, you can add creme de menthe to a vanilla shake any time of the year
If this nail lady pinches my achilles one more time im kicking her directly in her bedazzled boobs
I know he's married but I don't know how else to show sympathy! Nudes are my only emotional currency.
Randomize
