dude, wtf is with her now? she has stuff up about how i am kicking her while she's down
wtf? who are you bitching about me to now?
so i woke up this morning thinking _____ was in bed with me. . .but it was only a half eaten sonic burger
Just tried calling my phone on my phone because i thought i lost my phone.
update: the house isnt on fire anymore, but he is still pissing on all your stuff.
the house was on fire??
shit I thought I told you.
Alex, there's no such thing as a fancy sex store.
how do you have sooo much energy?
billy mays threw in a lil somethin extra when i ordered some oxiclean last week
don't tell me I don't love her. i once slept with my girlfriends therapist, just to find out if she was cheating on me.
I think I told some stripper my friend owned Groupon Last night
i licked icing off his dick. in front of his sister.
I am not ready to suck todays dick. Todays dick just laughed and came on my face.
Just successfully went through airport security with shrooms. It's gonna be a fucking awesome new years
230 lb girl across the train from me is giving a dude in a kilt a handjob while he sits in her lap
I think it's safe to say I'm rolling my hypothetical balls off
He told me that he's proud of our abnormalcy as a couple. I think it's the most romantic thing he's ever said.
The thing about pooping in the woods during hunting season is you never know if someone's watching you.
Randomize
