my computer doesn't work...
why?
i puked on it last night
did you violate me with a mr sketch marker when i passed out? i just peed and wiped purple and it smelled like grape. i need to get to the bottom of this...
I just accidentally stumbled into an AA meeting...I think its a sign
Bagel with cream cheese. It's blowing my fucking mind.
How high are you right now..
I MICROWAVED IT. SIGNIFICANT IMPROVEMENT.
After the VIP Latina experience at the strip club last night, I am rooting for Mexico in this years World Cup.
Also we decided you're the person whose going to die at my bachelor party...do the math you're the most logical choice
Just finished putting caution tape around the tv. Sober me needs to prepare.
I can't straight up say the only reason I smoked a couple bowls with you was for your three legged cat
I was worried he'd break you after the hiatus your lady parts had to take from social interaction.
Everyone heard you having sex but I just told them you were having a nightmare.
I was grossed out that all their candles smelled like vagina and then I remembered where my fingers had been.
You were laying in a hotel bed drinking beer from a straw while you demanded everyone to kiss your foot tattoo.
So you thought it was a good idea to make plans for the same time same place with the guy you were sort of dating AND his best friend you slept with?
Do you know who these girls are? They're baking a cake, making chicken enchiladas, and bringing me beer everytime I finish one.
You abruptly started screaming because they had and I quote “calamari on the hoof”
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