brittany murphy hurts far more than michael jackson, patrick swayze, etc because i never masturbated to any of those other people
I asked him how he was going to celebrate tomorrow and he said "tits, clits, and bong hits"
On your way out, lock the front door. And by lock the front door, I mean find the door handle, reattach it, and then lock it.
i lnow ive slrrwsdy teted you this. but goddamn girl on tv is a good song
She said she was an education major and you replied with "oh I'm taking a semester off too". And we never saw her again...
Bring my lunch to work in liquor store bags is doing nothing for my career
You could give me a blowjob later? :)
I meant do something romantic..
Blowjob In the moonlight?
Just got to school and somone already mentioned the amount of cereal im carrying.
he built a boat made of joints. holyyy shit
Whatever. I indirectly made you cum overseas. Call it even.
Ryan learned the all important lesson tonight; Red Bull gives you wings, Jaeger gives you gravity.
We're at the urgent care down the street from you if you care to stop by
For Valentine's Day I've purchased six lighters and I'm decorating them for him. I'm on a full ride to an art school and this is what I'm using my talents for. An intervention is needed. Please stop letting me date stoners.
Every time I walk onto campus my Saint Patrick's day scar starts to throb. I'm like a drunken accident prone Harry Potter
Who had my phone last night? Whoever it was sent "Fuck you, you're adopted" to half the people on my contact list.
Three of my exes and one of my exes' brothers have hit me up and it's only been a week. I hate semester break.
Randomize
