I'm not a mortal combat character
but my vagina is
my roommate just caught me washing a dildo in the sink.
I just experienced a full blown christian wedding. I am SO GLAD YOUR WEDDING WASNT THIS.
She's making her own pesto again. Cooking spaghetti in the microwave and "frying" vegetables in the toaster oven. All this while wearing the yellow rubber gloves and saying that the pesto has feelings like a real person. Im terrified.
There's a sign at Bashas for 30% off of 6 bottles of wine in Friday. That seems like a personal challenge.
The vomit I understand but how is there seaweed in my bed?
I'm gonna have to flying elbow somebody tonight in memory of Macho Man
did she really put a helmet on, try to make a hole in the wall then pass out on the floor ten minutes later? if thats true ill be there in 15
Grandpa got a dui while riding a horse. This is what I need to live up to.
Considering that your "hello" was replaced with "Fuck yo couch," I'm not surprised that you have a black eye.
he's like watermelon oreos; I know they're gross and weird and I shouldn't like them, but I can't stop eating them because they're there.
Bring me that man meat
Idk I think he's weird but he's also from Wisconsin so that might have something to do with it.
Who the fuck is "nick from the beach last year"
No idea hahaha...why?
He just texted me.. Should I ask where I met him?
Is 10AM too early for pizza and Dr. Pepper?
Only if 5PM is too early to be drunk. And when has that ever stopped us?
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