When my girlfriend drinks sangria it's like winning the vagina lottery
Terrible. Enormous nipples with a small ring of boob on the outside. It looked like a tittie eclipse
i need to break up with him. i realized this while i was making a mental grocery list while we were having sex. this is not the first time i've done that.
Not cool at all. Last night I organized my condoms by expiration date. I need to get laid.
i believe i can now do shots of gasoline with no chaser. its been that kind of summer.
I'm making you a bingo card for hookups of the school year 2011-12 so you can make even worse life decisions next year
You never know how much you love your bed until you sleep with 4 other people in your car.
I told this guy in the dining hall that he's a hippie god and he's never made eating yogurt so sexy
And noooow we're smoking a ton of REALLY strong weed and THIS IS THE SOFTEST CAT EVER
well at least now you can say you got an STD from the frontman of a band no one's heard of
fuck you.
I just woke up to a ten minute voicemail of you sobbing about the X-Men. Stop getting drunk and watching Marvel movies.
BUT WOLVERINE IS SO TORMENTED AND JUST WANTS TO BE LOVED
The only people who will bring me pizza or tacos want a commitment and I'm hungry for food not their love.
She asked how comfortable I was with her while we were in the shower. She then proceeded to pee in said shower.
Cheese, the small of a woman's back, the universe, mountains, vampiric demons, sleep, and dreams.
I left him naked in his bed. I did cover his junk with a blanket in case his roommate walked in later though. so I don't feel as bad about it.
Randomize
