Since she's grinding up on your thigh right now, I'm sending you this text hoping it makes your phone vibrate in her vagina
Is pulling weed out of a vagina a good thing or a bad thing?
you thought you were invisible so you started narrating your actions.
The KFC double down is way too much for a drunk. He was just staring at it in awe.
Vaginas are confusing as hell with all their secret compartments and shit.
I'll get my vaginal cartography poster.
my mom found me this morning spread out like jesus sleeping on the living room floor. i had a piece of bread over my eyes to block the light out
Two hours into move in day and the ambulance is here already.
And he was super vague about his life, it was frustrating. I totally boned a homeless guy, didn't I?
I can't wait for paintbang. I'm going to throw a marker at a child. There will be bail money in my backpack in m trunk. Don't use it on beer.
Just living on dreams and a bed of used condoms
Pretty sure at some point last night i said to myself "it'll be fun to completely lose my mind for a night"
I AHVE A WINE BUCKETTTTTTT
Being pregnant feels like you have a hangover everyday.. Don't listen to what anyone says about how wonderful it is
My new dentist just kinda stared at me when I told him that I used to have partial dentures after breaking 2 teeth while beating the shit out of someone, until I puked them into the toilet and flushed them after getting high and making myself undercooked mac and cheese.
You tried to fight someone about spaghetti o’s?
That hungover.
Randomize
