dinner at cheesecake factory: $40. drinks at yard house: $50. having sex in the VG parking lot while people are staring at you awkwardly: priceless. Goodnight.
My friend's 9-year-old son just informed me that for a cop station, you can't use a shotgun; you have to use a machine gun. Thank you, Grand Theft Auto, for single-handedly corrupting our youth.
There was something that i liked about you, but you spent it
i really thought "pants-shitting drunk" was an unreachable level until last night
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I put cups full of chips next to every bed, couch, and toilet so that everyone could have a snack when they woke up....
it felt like a thousand fairies were licking my balls.
she complimented my bra when we were hooking up. this lesbian thing has its upsides
Nicole, you can't keep coming over at 3am wanting to build igloos.
Please stop leaving drunk voicemails with your new black/Irish accent.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I agreed not to hook up with any randoms while she's on vacation, if that isn't a show of good faith then I don't know what is...
its so sad we are done celebrating 21st bdays everytime one of us turned 21 everyone else got laid
I'm standing on the corner in a banana costume and cape with frozen bananas in my utility belt reassessing my life decisions.
Please send pictures of any nice new years ladies you run across in town, as I've forgotten what women look like.
Thank you, BTW, for defiling my bed. Glad it was done well.
she said she was so hungover this morning in a way that sounded like she was apologizing for thinking she was attracted to me last night...
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