he thought i was a dude.
She rode me to the beat of Baby Got Back. I swear to god.
I told him I had my daily dose of vitamin c so i wouldn't blow him
This is one of those situations that make me think to myself "what life decision did I make to get here"
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And I was the only one who felt it was dangerous to set the tv and blender on the ledge of the hot tub
I'm still drunk. I put on workout clothes this morning and just puked in my bathroom. That's the same as going to the gym, right?
I'm keeping track of how many times I've said "Shhh, act like you're not naked." in my life. So far, 3 times.
I can't believe you didn't come out. There was a duckling ON THE BAR!
I would have publicly shamed him but I'm pretty sure his tramp stamp did that on its own...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
For a second I thought I had fallen asleep on the floor and freaked out. Then I thought somehow I was on drugs. This is my life.
There's nothing like when u really click with a stripper
Heard flapping noises behind me. It was my roommate flapping her bathrobe like wings, saying "I'm a faaaiiiiry."
You are not allowed to sing ever again, my ears are still ringing.
How bad is it that I can say that this isn't the first time a married man, who is in the military, has tried to make me his mistress?
I don't wanna be 33 that's when Jesus died
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