yea pretty sure we followed the trail of your spaghetti-o vomit to find the car
This morning I saw a frozen puddle in front of my RA's door and I laughed, assuming someone poured water in hopes that she would slip and fall. That's when my roommate told me I had peed there last night. Thank you Captain Morgan!
What the hell did I do to get youtube to recommend a video for me called "how to increase your chances of getting pregnant"?
He was passed out on the floor holding a beer can, rolled over switched hands and never spilled a drop. We need to practice.
I don't have the urge to be a home-wrecker with these two. I think I've grown, don't you?
I'm handcuffed to the toilet. Don't ask
And we should impose a 'friends don't let friends order 25 shots at last call' rule
You are softly singing to the wall while slow dancing with it. I feel as though you should discontinue this behavior.
I am literally the only girl who can black out and wake up pantsless and STILL be 99% sure I didn't get any.
My Bio teacher gave me extra marks for putting "deer with AK-47 seeking retribution" at the top of the food chain on my exam. 51% pass here i come!!
Passing out on a toilet is not classy no matter what you're wearing. Not even a pea coat.
It's George Washington's Birthday. Can you not put on some red white and blue and get really drunk for the original Merican??
I am sleeping in the bathtub because my bed is too soft.
So yeah he had good weed?
There was so much jailbait at the festival that there was no other option but to drink my morals away
We smoked before the sunrise hike. I ended up eating a banana and singing Circle of Life as the sun rose over the horizon.
Randomize
