puked in the new hous. now it's officially home.
i feel like i want to date him just so i could be besties with his penis
No, a stripper letting you buy her dinner is not the same as a girlfriend.
in the middle of it he kept shouting: im going to be masturbating to this for the rest of my life
If I had a clone, I'd fuck it with a condom
I was wondering where I've seen this kid then I remembered I saw him doing lines of blow of his gf's leg while she was sleeping last week.
Lost gin update. Blackout me found and re-hid the bottle. Left a note to myself saying, "GOOD LUCK, SUCKER!"
After 13 tally marks I wrote the number 4,000 and made u sign my arm to prove it.
Well the streets were closed, so it was okay for me to just lay down for a little bit.
Old woman told me I looked like her son and then she started explaining to me how she wanted me to fuck her
She was into my hawaiian shirt and id never made out with a dinosaur... I feel like it worked out for everyone
I slept through 4/20 and my roommates bought an entire ham that's just sitting in the fridge...
Also, don't forget your plan to die young at a shrooms-fueled orgy.
It's not even noon yet and I just fucked my professor's son in the psych lab..it's gonna be a great day.
He was married to his college girlfriend for 20 years. Just give him the blow job he’s been fantasizing about since last century and he’ll be wrapped around your little finger
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