I almost took home a boy from the bar last night, till i realized he was not speaking drunk, he was from another country and didnt know english. that could have been an awkward morning.
dollar beers will do that to you.
I have so many mobile devices now, I only use my laptop for porn.
i used the pictures of vaginas in your biology book to jack off.
Is it awkward to ask someone I've slept with to officiate my wedding?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just to save you guys the surprise, somebody shit outside of our door.
Basically, what i'm trying to say is, if you don't have something, excuse or gift, to satisfy my anger i am going to look you in the eye and piss on the floor.
Not even joking, someone broke into the house to watch porn. The cops are on the way.
My boss just high fived me after finding out i made it through lunch rush rolling on molly. To think this guy used to terify me.
As Scar once said. Be prepared! For the shit show of what's coming tonight
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Speeding home on my break at work because I forgot to grab my Percocets that I have because getting through work sober's too hard
Hey beautiful no judgement but why is there a bucket of KFC chicken in the bathtub??
Sooooo have your ex-girl console you over your ex ex girl that you destroyed said ex-girl over the possibility of
Have you ever woken up and said a thank you prayer to the beer gods for allowing you to wake up in the morning and still have the ability to walk and talk? Because we should.
You smell like a steam boat captain.
Whatever your on right now, I want.
When you called me I said did you make it home. You said yeah. Then you said you didn't know where you were. I said you were at home and you said but where. I said you are in the bathroom. Then you said oh, you're so smart lol
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