Raging hang over. 6AM finish. Shat on a bag of trash in an alley. D L that last bit.
I locked my keys in my car in front of planned parenthood. I'm terrified of going inside to ask to borrow a clothes hangar.
Just tell them you need to fix a mistake real quick.
My favorite part was when he stopped, looked up in the middle of performing oral sex and asked, "you did know it was Arbor Day, right?"
Happy heartbreak day....you got chocolates, I'm eating them/ throwing them out the window at passing couples
I feel like having peed on eachother is a point in our lives we should never have gotten to...
So I'm at the VFW tonight and the shot special here is straight 151 for 2 dollars. They must hate our livers
I just realized why I have little cuts all over my fingers. There was a broken pint glass in my purse last night.
so I definitely just chased tequila shots with a biscuit covered in sausage gravy
Thats fucking manlier than riding a bear into battle
You kept chewing on the empty milk carton and saying "kitty" over and over again. It was an interesting night.
We accept all of your sexual lovers, Jewish, episcopalian, atheist. Dick is dick
Like not to be gross, he was eating me out while I was smoking a bowl. It was like a rap video
It's not a funeral, it's a celebration of life. Going commando AND braless is really just honoring him!
NO BABIES. YOUR VAGINA WILL BLEED WITHIN A FORTNIGHT.
In honor of Super Tuesday, we should have the sex tonight.
Its like people have to train for months before they try and drink with us and survive...
Randomize
