JOSHUA! WE ARE SO BREAKING UP!
what?
YOU'RE DRUNK AGAIN, ARENT YOU?!
Last nIght I drank wIth the new guy from fellowshIp & my pastor I've known sInce I was 7. It was agreed by them that I had nIce tIts. I'm not weIrded out In fact I'm flattered...
You asked the dj to play 'who let the dogs out" because it was your birthday. You left the bar and then re-entered to the song
Im drinking a large pickle jar full of Emergency, water and left over pickle juice and I dont care.
I HAVE stop dating guys for their prescriptions, you have no idea how awkward family dinner was. Thank god for his xanax.
Kid got laid mid-party wearin a fuzzy hat with ears and 40's taped to his bear paws... wtf
So my parents just watched me pour their rum into a bottle and only add crystal light powder, no water... Talk about being judged. All I could say was "Cortland tricks?"
Woke up in a sombrero and a males speedo. Tequila makes normal peoples clothes fall off, however it makes me fall into a questionable identity crisis
don't bring your nerd jargon into this conversation about my naked body
Her mom came down to the basement and took shots with us. She's now passed out in a wheel barrow. This party got weird
Haha just talked to the dude you bit on Thursday. He has been growing a beard to hide the bruising....
The last I heard from her she said she was going to plant sunflowers, get drunk on white wine and listen to Everybody Wants to Rule the World on repeat.
i had to flash a cab last night.
did it work?
No. he slowed down but then kept going. story of my life.
So I'm buying milk, bread, yogurt & lube. Not awkward at all
Basic items
Only good thing about being an essential worker is that I have a letter allowing me to cross the bridge into jersey to get booze
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