No. Please No. At first it was cool when you started bring an extra girl home for me but after 2 cycles of clap medicine I'm putting an end to it.
They woke me up at 6am and made me drink a bottle pf champagne yelling "champagne breakfast!"
You do realize I got a panda tattooed on my ass just to get you laid, right?
its been so long even thinking about having a dick inside me makes me sore
Drink a bottle I wine by yourself? Treat yo self
female sloths literally scream when they want sex and can be heard up to 700 meters away
i think i might be a female sloth
Let's just says his mouth writes a lot of checks that his penis just can't cash. Don't waste your time.
You jumped into so many bushes for no reason
The three of us were sitting silently in my dining room at 4:30 am, half drunk, eating cold spaghetti and listining to death metal. I need a fucking cigarette.
he just exposed your dildo usage to the table.
We drunkenly built a couch fort and fucked in it. I've known her since preschool. This was every childhood fantasy mixed with adult dreams come true.
I still don't understand if he's using me to write his resume or if we're dating
There's a set of buzz lightyear wings in lost and found at work. I just need access to your roof.
No I don't. You owe me sex and cinnamon rolls.
got laid for being an eagle scout again. 4 more and ill have all my merit badges.
Randomize
