she was mega hot - except for the poop under her fingernails
i found out what alaskan girls practice during those six months of darkness
Masterbating to gospel music is like god cheering on your orgasm
It was then that he suggested we all nibble ears. A nibble circle.
Turned in a paper today on drug abuse. Chose to write about percocet. Just realized I started 2 sentences with "This amazing drug"
then she said "on the count of three I think we should apologize to eachother"
the last time i saw him was an hour he was floating face down in a pool... but i'm sure he's fine.
Screw this I'm going to go talk to her. If you hear sirens they're for me.
I'm covered in egg mcmuffin wrappers and my room smells like dead hooker.
This inappropriate post strip club text brought to you by Cheetah of Palm Beach and vodka. Blowjob in the champagne room and the clap for the low low price of your paycheck.
Just got a voicemail from a guy referring tp himself "as chest hair guy". If I'm coming home to a intervention I understand.
i came home to her naked eating chilli on the living room floor. Stop giving her jager.
Did you hook up with him before or after he shaved off half of his eyebrow?
Just had empanadas for breakfast while watching Wall-e with my yesterday's one night stand mother AND grandmother.
Pretty sure I'm partying in a onesie right now.
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