Last night we were drunk and talking about rude things, I mentioned felching and had to explain it to everyone. Everyone was disgusted and asked how I knew about such filth and I told them you told me. Don't get mad. Also a quck heads up, you might get gifts of straws at work,
I mean come on, he's the best quarterback in the state and doesn't even know how to put on condom
Just got my econometrics book in the mail and started flipping through it. Our Thursday parties may turn into u convincing me not to kill myself.
Ryan just walked out of his frat house with a case of beer, a 6 dollar bottle of vodka, and a pillow. He's good to go.
my purse only fit my wallet or the martini shaker. it wasnt even a question of which i was bringing.
why the fuck would he compare you to sexy aquatic creatures?
Why is there a school picture of an 8 year old boy in my pocket...?
I needed to do something spontaneous, and since no one had coke this was the next best thing.
Welcome to stoned Saturday. Full of laser tag and beyonce and awesome
Can you bring me the toilet please
She took her panties off, then farted in my general direction. I guess we're at that stage in our relationship.
I think he's like Cher he's going to live forever but not as scary looking
My concern for you and peanut butter is the reason I am still awake.
While strippers were eating ones out of my boobs, several sources claimed trump shared classified info with the russians. We should get hammered on Mondays more often, bitch.
I remember walking into a bathroom stall that had a couple fucking in it and giving them a condom and a thumbs up and then leaving
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