So they call this "a walk of shame" but fuck that...this walk is fantastic. What kind of debbie downer came up with that name?
this is going to sound stupid but when I was drunk and thought I was a stripper where I did toss my pants?
She's okay as an interesting car wreck. But as a sexual object she's funny
He had me believing he was actually British until he came and used his real voice.
The last text I sent him was about nachos. Frankly, if he can't respond positively to that he can fuck off...
By the way if you come home and I'm not wearing pants, just go with it. I didn't have the energy to go searching for some.
So my nipple piercings were only $20 because it's breast cancer awareness month. Fuck yes!
I just used "et al" in a sext. I thought you'd be proud
Highlight of the weekend: getting roundhouse kicked in the dick while switching from reverse cowgirl.
Let the record show that the first hour of my twenty-first was spent shooting tequila ans discussing the emotional integrity of werewolves.
I want to just live in between your butt cheeks.
I'm pretty sure that the bartender arranged a marriage for me last night. Sounds like a legit birthday present to me.
The cl.oudds are foaming a really big pen.Is OMG.
I only gave you one rule about using the beach house: don’t get cum on anything!
You’ve seen my tits! You had to know that rule was unrealistic! Does it help that he was really cute?
He flipped a shopping cart in the back room and had to leave to make a jazz playlist. If we aren't in love then i don't know what love is.
Randomize
