If I see one more duchette wearing Ed Hardy, but not actually having a real tattoo. I swear Im gonna shank a bitch.
he had two deer mounted on his dorm room wall with panties and bras hanging from the antlers... i cant believe i contributed to bambi's headgear...
She face-timed me on the toilet. My dick is never going to recover from that.
Ice that vagina down, get some coffee, and try not to walk with a limp. It's time to dominate, pull it together
I was told my cock was a religious experience.
I'm taking tokes in the bath tub, come if you want, I'm naked and you have to bring chicken nuggets or else you can't come in
Realized it was likely to be cursed, didn't want my own Johnson magically turning into some sort of fire breathing reptile and eating me
That is an interesting fear as well as image
We are going to the humane society and getting you microchipped so you don't get lost on your birthday. Either that or your getting a child leash
I am stoned at Disneyland with my little brother. It's gonna be a good day.
I will have you know I turned Latino David Arquette down for sex because he's married. Total. Moral. Victory.
Flo's in town, ain't she.
Do you think there are other mothers looking at porn in the carpool line?
He yelled at me to keep it in my pants and I replied with I will fuck your roommate as much as I please. Oops
Why is there a slipper full of piss in my bedroom?
No dude 10 parakeets in your bedroom is 9 parakeets too many. Bring them back. Today!
You’ll (maybe) appreciate that I picked at my ingrown hair again. Quarantine updates are getting BLEAK.
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