Are u religion class? I'm on my way, I have cum in my hair. tell u later.
Thanks for stranding me with th douchebag award recipients
Someone sent me a drink from across the bar. It was water.
I feel like she's the kind of girl who always ends up with guys who have oddly shaped dicks..
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My financial advisor pointed out that 37% of my income is currently going towards "non-essential food items"
That's banker lingo for "you're an alcoholic"
Whats the count minus fat chicks?
So it looks like you may be an uncle real soon. Don't ask how I feel about it and don't text me back.
I woke up at 4 am to my roomate peeing all over my clean laundry. He thought he was in the bathroom and yelled at me for being in the bathroom with him while he was peeing.
Also, I'm sat on the floor drinking cava because life is just not working for me tonight.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
this night just went from meh to biblical thanks to drunk naked yahtzee
i puked in the 2nd best shower and the couple fucking in the 1st didnt even pause so you might wanna hold off on that for a while
2013: the year of legs covered in hair and pregnancy scares.
CODE RED CODE RED MY VIBRATOR IS BROKEN THIS IS NOT A DRILL
Have you ever thrown up in the middle of your hair appointment? Cause I have..
The housekeeper found my huge dildo under the bathroom sink, and another in the living room. I can't get much more single than this.
Randomize