everyone has their kryptonite. mine just happens to be 18 year old blonde girls.
just once i'd like the "right thing" and the "topless thing" to be the SAME THING
This is so pathetic it makes me miss snorting lines alone in my room listening to 'one more drink'.
It wouldn't have been a big thing. If anything, I woulda apologized to you and cleaned the remote
I tried to tell him I love him but it came out something like "We're both fucked up and it works."
I have pictures of you scratching against the sliding glass door on your knees screaming how you felt like a lamb.
you left me with this keg alone. this is on your hands
nothing can ever be as bad as the night i blacked out, updated my fb status to i need a pity fuck and then passed out for 13 hours.
New found love of volunteering, when there's free wine available at all times. Good times. And I get to to feel good about helping people.
You know what's fun. When your getting a new mattress and you forget you put your vibrator under your old mattress and the moving guy finds it
I made out with an Italian cab driver. Not cool. Help. Good news he will drive us anywhere we want to go as long as you cook food?!?!?! I want to melt into the pavement.
That's why you bone lesbian cage fighters and 45 year olds. To make life less boring.
I found my spirit animal in the shower. It's a sloth/bear that lives in my chest.
Thanks for bringing me tea/a bucket. You have earned yourself a face touch.
lesbians are really intense tho, she made me take her eye makeup off and told me she was going to eat me for breakfast
Randomize
