I wanna put my baby in that!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Ew you even made it your fb status
Ppl probably think ur having a kid
I hope
Love having children with random chicks
i know we just met, but i forget your name, and i'm wondering why my penis burns?
Dual, econ, hell, shiv, aunt, puppy. 1 out of 6. T9 word needs to learn how to cuss like me.
i've come to the conclusion that there is no classy way to apply chloroseptic spray to your butthole.
her lazy eye was starring daggers at me.
How are you going to pay for strippers in Vegas when you were just begging for McDoubles?
he said "cool" when i took off my bra and proceeded to stare wideeyed at them the ENTIRE time. it was like sleeping with the kid i showed my boobs to for the first time in 6th grade.
Im really high right now and the vending machine is broken and giving out free candy. Please kill me, my life will never get better than this
She was kinda tragic... like a puppy that runs into things. Cute but really stupid. So, yeah, I hit it.
At some point you realize they're vacuuming and you still have to sober up. Please find me a boyfriend thanks .
When we were fucking he said and I quote "we're like a sex fajita"
So, the officer that worked my wreck, I'm rockin his world tonight. He saw me high on morphine in the ER. So he knows my level of crazy. Think he'll agree to wear his gun?
So many things can go wrong tonight.
i just had to pick up my 18 year old cousin from the police station for hosting a party, and i had to do this stoned wow
You FaceTimed me at three in the morning while you were peeing. Your eyes were glazed over and you showed me your bellybutton.
The hair on my legs is officially flapping in the breeze when I walk. I must say, being single does have perks and this is one of them.
Randomize
