I would fuck her until my dick fell off. then i would fuck her with your dick.
Saw a pregnant woman get a lap dance last night. I love the south.
Surefire way to sober up: discover that your car is being towed at 2 am.
I puked for half an hour, but I went and danced afterwards, and that made me feel better.
You are so irish.
Wow, So this kid just walked into class, yak'd on his lab partner then runs out. Class is now cancelled. I gotta find this kid and Thank him.
there's a sign at taco bell and it says "bacon and ranch make everything better." it speaks to me.
My favorite part about you getting arrested is having to explain the prosthetic leg in the front seat.
I woke up to ritz crackers on the lawn, a keystone behind the hedge and puke on the rental car... i think that we have become that house...
I AM SENDING THIS TEXT MESSAGE SO I DON'T LOOK AT HIM. THANK YOU FOR RECEIVING IT.
For future reference, Twizzlers CAN leave welts.
I am the worst sexter. i actually told him .. if i had a penis, it would be hard right now. BTW thats a turn off.
Then you shook your fists at the sky and explained to us that losing a sneeze is like losing an orgasm
no. i discovered the *exact* amount of drugs i need to do to understand calculus.
I hate when pretentious people talk bad ab corn dogs
I honestly have no desire to wear clothes around you
I have that affect on people
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