i now understand why he chose to have sex with my friend rather then me after lookin in the mirror this morning. and id do the same thing.
then for some reason i googled "how much to buy a cannon"
god is playing jersey shore on new years on purpose. he wants me to play drinking games and die. i wish he knew how serious this is.
You know you're deprived when the only thing you taste while chewing gum is the 2 grams of sugar alcohol.
It was like she tried to cover up all the weight she gained with a fake tan...
you have no idea the dirty thing i want to do to your blad spot. please wear my vagina as a hat.
My goal tonight is to get arrested because what cop can say they have ever arrested a giant sperm before. God I love halloween
So I walk in and he's teaching someone in London via Skype how to roll a blunt. I have new found respect for him.
I don't think the best pickup line was. Hey I have never made a girl orgasm before but I'm sure it will work on someone like you.
Think of something healthy and responsible. Now think of the exact opposite, let's do the latter
In order to save time, dignity and liver damage, wanna get naked?
I told my coworker that I'm going to a dinner party and was asked to bring wine and pregnancy tests and he was like.. I miss being 20
Im blaming it on six shots of Jack, loneliness and a chemical imbalance. That's the best I can think of...
I think I'll shower sitting down. That seems safe.
And then she grabbed my dick and started singing 'ring ring ring ring banana phone'
Randomize
