mom and grandma are in town. grandma wants to get drunk with you
you were stealing lawn gnomes and punching cars. I'm not surprised you got arrested.
dude your girlfriend loves you alot..she yelled your name lastnight in bed
When I unzipped my pants I said "Release the Cracken"... she dug it so we're getting married soon.
you're wrong. we DID have sex last night. just ask your roommate. you seriously don't remember him asking to join us?
WERE YOU GOING TO TELL ME THERE WAS A LOAF OF BANANA BREAD IN THE OVEN BEFORE YOU LEFT FOR A 5 HOUR SHIFT??
I want to be done crawling through windows but the sex is too good to stop...but I'm running out of excuses for where the bruises on my legs are coming from.
My drug dealer just texted me that his kid had a rough sleep and was running late to deliver the ounce to my office. Totes adorbs.
I think we should bring back the casual nipple tassel
I fucked a guy that's in Sports illustrated. I'm officially ready for college.
Its a first. Never been peed on in a line to concert. First time for everything.
She kept telling me it was a squirtgun.
Yes, he did use his cock to direct traffic from my 3rd story window. That's why I love him
Apparently getting a blow job in the mens room from the bar owners daughter will get you kicked out.
I want to get back to junior year skinny- without all the drugs.
If it makes u feel any better my dick feels pretty tender dude
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