did I really admit that id have sex with that cougar had I been more drunk?...ugh...i need to masterbate more
i stalked him back to the creation of his facebook in november 2008. that bad.
She sucked my dick while i watched james bond. And they say marriage sucks
I'm a little upset you wasted 3 beers on your wet tee shirt contest.
The best part about this city is obvious. Someone saw me crouching by a bar pissing in my leftover Panera bread bowl and they just winked.
STOP WHATEVER YOU ARE DOING AND GO OUTSIDE RIGHT NOW. THE MOON LOOKS LIKE CATWOMAN
He made me brush his hair afterwards because it made him feel like a ken Barbie.
God I hope the sex was good.
If you're ever desperate for a guy's #, ask him to call your lost cell phone so you can find it. Some genius used that on me last night. FML
Just reminding you that you are currently drunk spooning a chair saying it "loves you unconditionally". No more rum.
purchased gas station taquitos and condoms at 4 this morning. It has been magical..
I licked your asshole in confidence.
Dude, you got arrested for trying to direct traffic with your dick....
it's like he didn't even know what a vagina was
There's nothing classy about a pregnant girl at a frat party...remember that.
I just told my mormon professor that I was late because I was getting a STD test... good start to the day.
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