The gay bar tender told me I looked like Prince William. And that I needed my balls licked.
You told my mom you were going to "Raw Dawg some randoms." That Drunk.
"It's not a date, we're just spending the entire day at a concert and then getting high together." Awesome.
You have found the Promised Land of friend zones
I woke up this morning to a lot of blurry photos of a swan i must have chased down the riverbank and a handbag full of loose haribo.
my memory may be fuzzy, but the 20+ naked pictures I sent him were surprising clear
My dad handed me a drink and said, "This'll knock your dick in the dirt..."
I yelled at the dude who smoked him up "YOU'RE THE REASON I'M NOT GETTING LAID" then went to bed. So yeah, I guess it was an ok night.
His mom finally got over her shame and smoked a bowl with us. Merry Christmas to all aka me.
Apparently there was a black out and the security alarms went off except I was convinced it was the microwaves and made ben unplug them all then got really frustrated cos he wasnt doing it right
there is a smiley face on my leg painted in blood
I'm pretty sure that's yours.
The minute he showed me his Mumford and sons tattoo is the minute i could literally feel my pussy dry up
I'm dangerously close to tossing this whole "morals" bullshit and swan-diving into the fuckboy lifestyle.
her idea of a romantic time is a bottle of jager, some Guacamole and chips.
can't go wrong with guac.
Okay. Did I say I did anything unusual? Because I usually do weird stuff. Did I clean mirrors? My mirrors are really clean, and I think I remember having windex..
Can we just take a minute to acknowledge that you're drinking with your gay ex boyfriend's DAD who is a DEACON??
Randomize
