So..he puked on my dress and I had to walk back to the dorms in his little sisters Scooby Doo pajamas.
I don't know you.
he was persistant. I supposedly owe him a bj from high school.
He just made me apologize because his morning wood is NOT a laughing matter.
oh awks just saw the head of medical staff who I punched the bottle of wine at
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I opened my eyes this morning, looked at the sunlight and made this hangover my bitch.
I found a half composed text to you this morning and all it said was HELP M. Is that how I ended up at the bottom of the stairwell in only a tee-shirt and one heel?
considering I never received the text I would go with 'yes'.
You just jumped of the couch and yelled "hidden tiger crouching dragon!" That's the answer to how you broke your finger.
I almost tased myself
I dont think you should own that device.
It's an awesome device. I love this device.
Are you sure he's still you're boyfriend when you're sober?
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chicken nuggets make me a bit homicidal
I'm still not sure how to feel about the fact that we had a threesome with a guy the same age as my dad
Who was that dick in the suit telling us to stop drinking?
The priest.
Just motorboated this 18 year old girl at the bar. The first time was my idea the other 3 she made me. Maybe turning 27 won't be so bad. Haha.
Remember that one time you told the bartender he was fuckable? Well, he's here.
Is it too much to ask to have a life partner who has both male and female sex organs that looks cute and sounds like a female Antonio Banderas and likes to get weird?
Randomize