You're never going to guess who I just worked out next to..
Who?
Chris brown
No way... I bet he was intense
Are you kidding? He was prob training for round two
Just got blown on the bus in front of abot 20 ppl. Lots of high fives.
My phone really needs to stop auto correcting "library" to "ovary".
Fine. Just this once and because its veterans day will I send you a picture of my tits. You're lucky I love this country.
I've reached the slutty point of no return. And it feels like multiple orgasms and coke lines
I Know I'm the drunk girl in the trunk right now, BUT PLEASE LISTEN TO ME!
Walking out of our apartment this morning to go to class, I saw a sticky note on the front door that said "get tested." The door was unlocked so did you bring some stranger back last night? I'm assuming you weren't referring to me...
Here is your half hour reminder. Meet you at emergency room.
your life is going to be an empowering working mom montage tomorrow to Katy P's ROAR... --are you living in a yoplaít comercial?
I just remembered that last night I seriously contemplated swallowing the cap to my toothpaste
You're too young to have this sort of Grizzled Old Drunk In Roadside Bar wisdom.
Yes. Life would be much easier if we had penises & could do whatever the fuck we want.
you woke me up at 1am last night high on cough syrup to tell me jay z was an idiot for cheating on beyonce
The wine is franzia the food is cheese puffs there is a canoe full of beer and the andre glasses are mason jars glued to candle sticks. i shit you not. Best. Wedding. Ever.
So, do I need to remind you to keep it classy tonight?
No, because if you have to be reminded it isn't classy.
Randomize
