you dont need to remember merediths name haha. only jane
walked into a party last night, i saw 3 ex gfs standing in a circle talking to each other...that's the quickest u-turn i've ever made in my life.
Do you ever close your eyes when your having sex with your girlfriend and pretend she didn't get fat after high school?
i now know how you feel when you have to walk me home. she ran into a streetlight and into garbage.
Hopefully the semester will be over before she has a breakout. Then I can just avoid the situation entirely
There are bruises on the top of my foot. The pole won.
Every single person in dollar tree stares at you if you are buying a pregnancy test and wearing a charlie brown costume. Just FYI.
My mom ate salad out of the vodka bowl
A horseman, i repeat, a man on a horse downtown just told me i was gorgeous and my friends were not. Not drunk enough.
I can't help but look at my sex life and acknowledge that this is not normal behavior.
Your level of morning after guilt is too much right now. Do less.
That moment when your mom is so drunk she makes you get out of bed to lay in her bed because she thinks it feels like sleeping on a marshmallow peep....
I'm wandering around outside asking things if they are god
We’ve discussed sex and dinner. Like chicken nuggets while doing it doggie and watching tv.
dude pick up your phone
i cant. im high and theres a wild turkey in my backyard. wouldnt miss this moment for anything
Randomize
