She said if it slipped out one more time she was going to duct tape it in her vagina
I tried making the sex a little better this time so right before I blew I yelled "ready or not here I come!"
Just found out my mom tried to sue the birth control company when she got pregnant with me...love you too mom.
I just found ouut you can get a DUI in a kayak. Fuck.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You were doing downward dog and puking off my deck at the same time.
I can't believe I just compared my penis to a St. Bernard.
hey im home...im not sure how this mcdonalds got here but whatever im gonna eat it anyway.
sooo... you have no idea who nailed their tubesocks to my wall?
That's some primal shit right there. My vagina is all like CONSUME HIM AND HIS FRUIT HE WILL GIVE YOU SONS!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
This is where you say "Why yes we will drink with reckless abandon and hopefully not be in a church parking lot again."
Finding that toy duck there was weird right?
Trying to figure out if the guy I'm with right now is the same guy I met spring break
Oh duude it is the guy from spring break! Awk.
It was only funny because some guy across the street was getting his mail and he just stopped and watched me throw up everywhere
someday i'll meet a man and who loves me as much as i love getting drunk and starting fires
you put your keys in the fridge so you wouldn't forget your yoohoo
I've realized that my life is a cycle of high that is only broken by sobering up at work, which only happens because I can't smoke more
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