a/c is broke at work...just took my panties off at my desk and the janitor saw it...might have a date for later. let you know
When we made out her lip\nose ring fell out in my mouth. Awkward?
you didnt know i had herpes?
The stories of what you did in Cuba got home before you.
I am gunna fuck the accent right out of her mouth
Somewhere at this very moment, a group of drunk white girls are singing dont stop believing.
Don't be alarmed at the girl laying on your bathroom floor.
She was so morning drunk she asked the lady at brueggers for a bandaid and my self respect back
So this 40 year old woman was trying to bring me into the bathroom to blow me and the bartender called the cops on her because she was showing her tits. Only in asbury.
Scary truckers and hobos. These are the men I attract
The second I see you we're shot gunning beers
It's gonna be 8 o'clock in the morning
And your point is?
Marry me
But seriously who drew a dick on a tortilla and nailed it to the door?
Shame?!? Shame only comes from getting naked in front of strangers and it not being awesome
I'm wearing a fleece onesie eating pop tarts on the train to work. Killing it.
It was sweet, he carried me out of my bathroom after I passed out, built me a pillow fort so I wouldn't roll out of bed, set a glass of water on the table, and brought me a mixing bowl to puke in. Totally a sign we're more than just fuckbuddies.
Randomize
