if you are receiving this text, you are one of the people i hate
uhhh i just had a guy tell me he's seen more jam bands and done more drugs than i could err imagine. what a turn on.
Are you with Adam and his vodka?
Yeswdsssss I masde his pickle gi away ans he go anbnoued
her fupa was seducing me. this is the last time i'm doing shrooms.
You leave a trail of fuck everywhere you go
im probably shirtless right now with a bottle of jack watching horton hears a who. this is a judgement free zone.
someone wrote on his wall: "congrats on your engagement"
I think you may want to look into that...
BRILLIANT IDEA: In honor of summer olympics we need to start a synchronized drinking team.
The penis is a tricky weapon to use. When using it as leverage you have to make it seem emotional. I'd rather use it as a club sometimes.
I'm sure it's not the worst thing to ever come out of my ass
In other news, my ex fuck buddy is a surprisingly good wingman.
Hey.. Lock your door. There's a drunk girl walking around in here. She just came in my room and peed on my chair.
hey im sorry i made fun of the color of your sheets, but like it was all i could focus on during sex because they were just THAT UGLY
....even the bartender was embarrassed for her
eating pizza to get the taste of dick out my mouth wby
Randomize
