I should have bought two bottles, she left before I could feel her tits...
Remember back in the day when getting fingered in the movie theater was the best thing ever?
never. drinking. again.
lets not get ahead of ourselves.
How do you get eyebrow wax out of your butthole region?
The fact that you aren't ashamed to ask that is the reason I will give you the answer. Under the sink there is a bottle of wax remover. Throw my waxing kit away as well.
nothing like Chinese food and masturbating on a Saturday night
Still drunk just puked in the meat cooler tried to clean it up with ham. Its not working
Believe me. As soon as the boss man is out the door. I am on my way to wow your vagina with my horse-like attributes.
I danced on the street to dubstep on a boombox for an hour with a lesbian single mother.
What changed your mind?
Being sober
So my quick shower turned into a "lay in the shower and let the hot water reign over you because you are too hungover to wash your hair" shower. I'll be there closer to 1:30!
I would rather you cheat on me then you watch this season of Breaking Bad without me.
5 hours of volunteer work playing with puppies and banned from the frat I hate most as 'punishment'... Besides the ER trip, I'm not seeing the bad in this situation
You could sing the national anthem right before we have sex. Make it feel like a sporting event
Now that you have a boyfriend, can I have my vibrator back?
Could be all of this cough syrup, but I’m ready to fuck 2018 up!
Randomize
