ya know if you hadnt broke up with me, that porno we made wouldnt have a 3.3 rating on youporn right now...
She described it as "a squirrel being hit by a hurricane"
I'm full of awesome ideas
Yesss you are. Im full of confusion. I keep finding peanut butter on my legs...
I just heard someone say "gosh-darnit" and they didn't have a southern twang. I worry for New York.
He told me something must be wrong, because no one had seen my boobs yet
You Were screaming "Im trying to get it in" and "stop cock blocking" while i threw you in the car
At least I cut out the pieces of your hair where I braided gum into it last night. Thank me later.
Nah I'm perfectly content solely banging the married bartender once a week.
That's practically a relationship for you
The fool I made of myself at the Ugly Christmas Sweater party last night was surpassed this morning when I walk of shamed 6 miles at 7am with one mysterious wet leg and no pants on. I think my mom saw me and waved.
I tried to bribe him with road head and his toothbrush.
Sitting in back of morning lecture drinking a daqueri from my pink unicorn cup. Pretty sure the girl next to me smells it.
it's graduation. he's gonna get congratulations slash emotional i cant believe youre leaving me sex.
Props to you. You took the bet seriously. Making out with her for an hour right after she spewed
Both guys that I'm dating were waiting for me in the parking lot after work. Literally the most awkward situation I have ever been in
He pretended his dick was a samurai sword and that he was slaying me with it is it bad I still wanted him to fuck me
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