How do you jack off and text at the same time?
On my iPhone they have an app for that
i just woke up to that girl in my doorway. I kid you not. Tan and lime green thong on. peeing on the carpet in the hallway. Then she collapsed. There is a load of towels in the wash. Just thought you should know when you wake up. Gross.
Remeber, hes got nothing better to offer you than drunk words and hairy balls.
the number of months ive had a girlfriend in my life divided by the number of blowjobs ive gotten is extremely depressing...
Pretty sure I tied my shoes laces together to keep myself from driving drunk. Fell like six times. Keep forgetting
Hello you've reached the get a clue corp. Our business hours are from take a hint to figure it out, eastern standard time. If you prefer to leave a message, don't, call back when you're not crazy, fat, and annoying.
using the campers leftover pizza money at the bar. Definition of great counselors right here.
You were being mean. And telling everyone to suck your six inch strap on. People were not pleased
Please be lying.
Im not. Your family was creeped out
He's just sitting there staring at my sisters teddy bear hoping it will come to life.
People around me are just doing lines of cocaine. Like its no big deal. And I'm just here like.... Y'all want some cheezits?
The chances of me making out with someone next weekend are about the same as me not remembering it.
I almost forgot to feel shameful, if that answers your question.
I really need to stop sending pussy pics if I'm going to be running for state representative in November
Hey every now and then can you tell me you want to fuck me to boost my confidence? Thanks.
I've got a tequila scented hand sanitizer for you.
you're the best roommate i could ever have.
Randomize
