Mental picture: Us at a bar keeping it classy shot gunning PBR's in the corner.
That was a good example of when keeping it real goes right
If God's watching us, we might as well be entertaining
That should be a holiday. like easter. but bulges instead of baskets
I doubt the Taliban would support fake nipples.
sooo....i just remembered that someone fed me a pretzel out of their purse at the bar last night.
Pretty sure God shed a tear when I put 15 singles in the collection plate.
you are my patron saint of "too drunk for 9am". i just keep asking myself what would alyssa do as i try to regain motor function
Also I think he would slowly, painfully, die. You really can't live without a penis. You'd explode.
It just wouldn't be valentines day if i didn't invite 90% of the guys i've slept with to go to the strip club with me
You've gotta make sure the carpets match the drapes, though.
I am not dying my bush blue.
Dude Carly, it's like, inconvinent how often you cause me to have an erection
The sad part is I didn't even want to get laid. I just wanted the emotional connection, but my vagina was screaming "TOUCH ME. TOUCH ME RIGHT NOW BECAUSE MY DADDY ISSUES ARE MUCH DEEPER THAN MY EMOTIONAL NEEDS!" Vodka has a way of getting me out of my emotions and gets me fucked every time.
That was the night I passed out and someone threw chicken at me. SORRY I wasn't available to cockblock you from that Hispanic dude.
I'm to the point where I just want to get back at him in a hot man sex tornado way.
Woke up at my x's house. He said I talked about how much I love panda's for fourty five minutes. Then made him watch The Little Mermaid with me. Made the walk of shame infront of his mom. Things can only really go up from here.
Wait till you get home.
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