I feel like ignoring a facebook event is a lot like a pocket-veto. The only difference is instead of opposing legislation, I don't want to go to your sketchy party.
When I masturbate I pretend my dick is the slap chop an I'm destroying vegtables. Do you think that's a eating disorder?
i opened her purse and found 4 bottles of vodka tampons and an unopened box of birth control...
They've started ranking girls from "paper-bag" to "I just came." Please come get me
just got my tax refund and at bell. how do you say i want a grand worth of 5 layer burritos in spanish?
Halfway through banging her I realized that she was playing a sex playlist on her iPod...first time actually having sex to R.Kelly's "bump and grind"
All I've accomplished this quarter is making Uno an acceptable drinking game.
I think he just gave me the 'I used to fuck your sister' discount
Just watered mom's plants with leftover mixed drinks full of Bacardi Silver. I'm such a good daughter.
I'm confused are we getting high or did someone actually die?
Have you ever chugged beers in the hospital parking garage with your mom?
Fair enough. Everyone has some guilty pleasures. Yours is yourself
Uhh... I think I meant "Be proud, I'm taking shots before my public speaking test." "Coffee and vodka is not good" and "Also, I'm giving blood drunk."
I have unfollowed so many people the only things showing up in my newsfeed are dog rescues and sloth memes
Is it wrong that I have to schedule a family Sunday brunch around my mom's weekly banging of my stepdad. And why do I even know this??
Randomize
