You go to school with some of the ugliest girls I've ever seen... How are you not getting laid?
It was fun until I shot a pea out of my nose while throwing up. Left over tuna casarole at 3Am was a terrible choice.
I woke up around 30 bottles of beer, with a piece of aluminum foil in my hand, that had "you Win" Wrote in sharpie..
yup. cregs moms pubic hair is still glued to the celing
If there was a god I would have a big mac right now, but i don't
i hooked up with some kid with a broken arm and he wouldnt even let me sign his cast
The door to door salesmen do not expect you to be drunk at 3 in the afternoon
He was the drug dealer that jumped out of his car to get my number
The usual, im laying out. Ipod on shuffle, Large spray bottle to cool myself of and a smaller one filled with chilled vodka. I can spray the vodka right in my mouth without even opening my eyes. THIS IS LIVING....
Dude, im sorry I had sex with that girl I was trying to hook you up with last night. Good news though she puts out
Dude, you kicked in the door to get to a six-person orgy while yelling "I JUST WANT TO LEARN!!"
Holy shit I've found my last one night stand in my Gran's knitting club
I can't believe you won 5 grand from the casio last night and spent more than 80% on tacobell and strippers already
I hate csi yet I find myself watching a full marathon. I am also eating hotdog buns stuffed with barbecue chips and they are quite tasty
You invited these random guys into your apartment that you met in the hallway...& then you started screaming at them to get out cause you didn't know who they were.
Randomize
