Turns out you can't chew it over with twix in real life
Dude I've never seen anyone get slapped that hard
if they reproduce, their children will be the worst quarters players ever
i know and i thought i was only capable of loving dick and drugs, im so happy
I'll report later on the progress of the mountain orgy
Well were gunna have to wash the couch cover now...maybe even the couch, soap or fire your decision
There are 144 bottles of wine in my mother's pantry. She just shrugged her shoulders and said it was for the wine pong tournament on Christmas Day.
WHYAREWHITEGUYSSOBADINBED?! What the fuck went wrong, evolution?
Today is definitely a "stand over the toilet and pee through the opening at the bottom of my boxers" kind of day.
I guess the silver lining is that having a big dick really comes in handy when you're hungover.
It's a mixed blessing.
you're trying to get a guy who's been in a coma for 2 weeks and who thought he was in '08 yesterday to drive you to the liquor store?
yeah, you wanna come?
We had to go to his parents last night for dinner & ended up having a quickie in the bathroom while everyone else was outside smoking.. This is why we have a successful marriage.
Either you got hacked or we need to have a serious discussion about sending penis enlargement emails to your straight friends and why you shouldn't. It sends the wrong message.
i'll llet you know if at any point this night starts to make any sense
My knees are skinned from sitting on someone's face on concrete
The fact that my boss lets me drink on my lunch break makes Mondays much easier.
Well when you come back we can have a huge bitch fit...or get really drunk....whichever comes first
Randomize
