Do you like marathons because that's how long I plan on fucking you.
my girlfriend just informed me I need to get tested and so do you
girlfriend?
He sent me a video of himself jacking off. I am not kidding.
WTF??? Isn't he married??
Yeah but his wife is at a birthday party and I guess he's bored. LOL
So I'm pretty sure when I was giving a Birthday Blow J, he went to grab my boob, but grabbed a fat roll and asked "You're not wearing a bra?"
just told my mom that i'm having a bad day and she responded with "maybe you should pour yourself a nice drink". good to know that my parents support my future of alcoholism
Just did a keg stand the dropped my phone in the toilet. Sorry for partying.
You did a keg stand on the toilet?!
i think i broke my dog last night...fuck
As I read your response saying I need a tan before I can become a go-go dancer, a girl cane up to work and gave me 10 coupons for 100 days of tanning for a dollar.
This is fate. You were destined to be a stripper.
You very well can't change your mind now. It would upset the natural flow of life.
In other news I think my vagina is sunburnt
Who knew I could feel anymore shameful at the bar than i usually do...I think my bartender recognizes me from the walk of shame out of his house after i hooked up with his son yesterday
He overslept for our prescheduled morning sex. The fact that my vagina isn't enough to get him out of bed was the last straw.
I just put on lipstick to sext him. That should tell you where my love life is at.
Everything is fine, it's not hung over in here at all\n\n*Narrator* *but in fact everything was not fine*
I really just gave up on masterbating because I'm too tired. I really am getting old.
You know its awkward when your mom walks in on you and your boyfriend yelling surprise....I was scared into an orgasm
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