oh and i really hope miley falls off this mountain she is climbing
you knoww youre high when you are just as concerned as the contestants on ultimate cake off as they move their 250 lbs cake over the ramp
We started playin just the tip, then shit got crazy
I just asked the contractor building my house what it would cost to put a garbage disposal in all the shower drains...there was a lot of judging going on.
listening to the two girls in the next stall finish a 40 and laugh at this guy they both fucked. they're calling him 'tulip dick'.
Did you get your crutches off the street sign?
Getting cock-blocked by Jeff Bridges. NOT OKAY.
We found you naked curled up in a ball in the closet, using a gorilla suit as a blanket
Sorry I never got back to you, I ended up at a party with pot ice cream, pot apple cider, and hash vegetable oil.
I just did the math. It is, in fact, cheaper to go out drinking every weekend than it would be for me to pay for a legitimate therapist. What are you doing next Friday night?
I have to answer enough questions about you, I don't need your uterus tossed in the conversation.
I don't remember how I broke my nose last night, but I woke up with dried blood everywhere. Also, you should tell that guy how you feel.
You were drink-wine-from-the-bottle drunk trying to take everybody's blood pressures again.
I told people at my moms bar that all I needed to sober up was to get my asshole licked, and I blame you 110%.
So he has moved up to a stage 5 clinger...Surprised he didn't try to lure you into bed with tacos, like he did last time
Yeah... akward. I don't want a round 2
Randomize
