This is the first month I have not taken plan B to get my period in over a year
And somehow that makes me sad knowing I haven't had raunchy unprotected sex in a month
hammered. By myself. Accident. Faillll. Snowwwwwy
Always fun waking up to 911 as your last dialed call.
I put labels all over the house on things I think are mine. A cactus, the dog, and a bottle of wine.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm so high I feel like I'm pedaling a bicycle but I'm laying on the couch. My body might be vibrating. I made soup.
Did you know that if you hit someone in the head with a frozen loaf of bread you can knock them unconscious?
I just ate a dove chocolate and the wrapper said "chocolate: always your valentine" WHAT KIND OF JACKASS WRITES THESE AND WHY MUST THEY MOCK ME?
Honesty, no. I just want to shower you with hot dogs.
Can I use your baby to go shoplifting?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I have 80 very blurry photos of you on a stripper pole...
WHERE THE FUCK'S MY FUCKING RITALIN YOU FUCKING FASCIST?????
I appreciate the I'll come bail you out of jail tone in the text
That sad moment when the drawer I used to keep condoms in now has poptarts in it..
You walked in on us hooking up, hugged me, high fived him and unhooked my bra.. You claimed to be helping
We decorated the tree, drank wine, and he went down on me with Christmas music on in the background. Christmas IS coming.
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