Annihilated within 20 minutes of arriving on Saturday, proceeded to hook up with him half a dozen times/almost have sex in the shed. Later on I text his boyfriend letting him know he's okay and that he's asleep next to me. If I could parlay this skill into a vital component of national security I'd be the Jack Bauer of homewrecking. Diner later?
The stripper told me she had been working there for eight years, then got mad when I asked if she was trying to make it into mangment. Awkwardest lap dance
Meet me at the corner of "what the fuck" and"how'd you get in my bed" in 10 minutes.
Luke did at least 8 shots of pure mayonnaise last night. I am not sure if that is better or worse than my 2 cement mixers?
I'm 25 and she is 19. She wants to practice blowjobs on me because of my stamina. Not only does the GI bill pay for me to go to school I am teaching a freshman blowjob course. I love Texas.
Seriously what kind of college town is this? Nobody parties during the week or abuses perscription drugs
The night went downhill when he lit her purse on fire and tried putting it out with vodka
I think I ruined his life by managing to get his initiation nickname for his frat to be "Whiskey Dick" but I still wish herpes on him and his fugly new girlfriend.
I'm at a nursing home getting weed. Lol when times are tough, things tend to get a lil weird
Trustme, don't ever look up when you're giving road head. It's awkward.
I knew there was a problem when things got heated and instead of rushing home I offered to get bagels instead
Hey babe! Random question. Do you by chance have the pic of my nipples covered with ninja turtles band aids? Thanks.
Day drunk. He was sitting in the back seat, opened the door, leaned out, and peed right there in the dutch bros drive through. No one even noticed haha
Is it a bad thing when vodka doesn't taste like vodka anymore?
You’re going to be a doctor, and I’m going to be a trophy wife. We both have goals
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