and before you know it i was laying next to him at 2 in the morning with penis and sadness on my breath.
What kind of friend are you? You don't even blackout anymore.
I feel violated. a guy just did an ultrasound on my balls. He made eye contact..
giving a 30 min presentation still drunk is like giving birth, upside down in a pit of snakes while being on fire.
i just got cum up my nose. i would have expected more from the captain of the men's lacrosse team
You're barking up the wrong lesbian.
He screamed for everyone to hide, unplugged the music, then talked to the cop. Last I saw he was high fiving him...
He's the fucking cop whisperer.
It's been decided..lingerie is an investment. You get free breakfast and cab rides out of it.
TINY HANDS NOT FOR BUTTHOLES
This is going everywhere on the internet.
she puked ON me while she was on top, worst holiday hookup ever
The condition was that I had to eat her out to Beethoven
He was jealous of me and threatened by me. I'm like, just cause I could fuck your girlfriend doesn't mean I'm going to
She's not even my type. She doesn't have a penis or a drug problem
So how do I get back in good graces for trying to trade you for superbowl tickets?
EXCEPT MY COUSIN SAW MY SEX TAPE!
thanks for supporting my whoreish tendencies
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