Consumer Beware: Redhead has herpes.
Sign #1 this conference will suck: Ice breaker question, how many proud virgins do we have in the room, overwhelming response. Looks like I'm not getting laid this weekend.
Flying to Orlando on the 7th is cheaper than the 8th by like three margaritas.
I don't know what's more sad having a rewards account at a liquor store or already racking up 273 dollar points since january
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I figured, if I'm going to wear a gold cape its pretty safe to assume I'll be blacking out as well.
Went to the wedding reception, and he left with ALL of the brides maids phone numbers. I don't know how he does it either.
Bonus points if the penis has a little hat too
Middle of vacation, he walked into an audition for a Broadway musical in a drunken stupor. I think he got the part.
You told me to remind you that the bruise on your ass is from when you danced on the table at Ziggy's, saw a cop and tried to 'fly away'.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I don't think that calm, have their shit together people actually exist.
I drank a girls breast milk at this wedding. Shit was next level
Good god you suck at this wake up call. Seriously. If I can, after consuming enough vodka to subdue a russian soldier, muster up enough motivation to call you in the morning and send you naked pictures the least you could do is pick up.
He's a real gentleman. At least he tried to flush my closet's handle after he pissed in it.
we're tipping the strippers with chocolate coins.
There will be bowls smoken and not a single fuck will be given.
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