You also had the stripper slap the shit out of me for not having any money....remember that?
I just got kidnapped by the rugby team for a scavenger hunt. I'm "the girl you had sex with last night"
Also, that dude projectile vomiting all over the living room was the perfect distraction for me to swipe the booze and run.
Dude. I only took a 20 out the ATM last night. How do I have 83 ones?
You stole from the strippers again. I wish I was ninja like you
Tonight, I'll be cleaning. And by cleaning, I mean drinking booze and spraying everything with Febreze.
I am so excited I do not know how I will sleep.
It's like the Christmas morning of dicks
Also, nothing screams "don't talk to me because I'm unstable" like walking around eating cookie dough out of the package.
you were drunkenly making out with a 20-something in front of your wife. at least the guy your wife left with was decent looking.
Must say, as a couple, she and I are thrilled that our pretend lesbianism has paid off.
You woke up butt naked, peed yourself said something about jumbo shrimp, and passed back out 10 seconds ltr..
Well, I crapped my pants in front of her entire family, was laughed out of their house, and I had to walk home with shit stained pants. So, yeah, it went really well.
Because talking after sexting is equivalent to cuddling after sex
Dont... please don't. Don't fuck him on his bean bag bed
What's that? Is there a bottle of Jack calling me? I think so...
Grandpa just whipped it out and started pissing on the way to the game stuck in traffic. I saw EVERYTHING. :(
Randomize
