I'll write directions out on a napkin and slip it to him. Then say P.S. The UTI is gone.... that's not creepy at all right?
to do: lose virginity to hamster dance
that shirt you're wearing that says "officially single" makes me think you'll be that way for a really long fucking time.
There's a transgender game of twister in the basement...God doesnt want me to type this paper.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I think I explained what happened in the voicemail. But I think I might have just cried and ranted about how cool osiris shoes are
Dude, you bit through my nipple. Give it a week, damn.
I had a dream about masturbating with toys I can't afford.
My sex life and finances are equally in shambles.
I ate an entire popcorn ball before bed. I know that because there is popcorn stuck to my poncho. Also. I'm still drunk. Also. I made out with a 19 year old. Also. #barnparties
Sometimes I just want to serenade his penis with cheesy 80s songs.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
well ya only live once...
that cant be your answer for every horrible thing you do
How do you feel about a threesome?
Will you be there?
I'm the one asking!
You kept pointing at me and saying I'm getting chicken parmesan and no one is going to stop me
When the people downstairs start talking about drugs, I second guess buying my drugs from them. Then I remember they are cheap and convenient.
I'm literally about to create a tinder account. Just so someone drives me to get food.
She looked up and said "I like this." I asked "what do you like?" she said "penis."
Randomize