My grandpa is talking about laundry and he asked if i could run a "small hot load." Wow. I had to leave the room.
he just said he'd buy the porn
its a step up from the last guy
i had a dream that your penis turned into a long neck dinosaur
did it start talking like on Land before time?
All i learned in high school was how to sell drugs
so I got guilt tripped into giving her a new years kiss, and she proceeded to try and eat my face while mounting me. when you give a mouse a cookie...
We had sex after spending two hours in the drunk tank. It was really deep and meaningful
So my dad just walked in on me with the same girl twice in 3 nights. I told him if he wants to see her tits to adleast admit it. All he did was smirk.
When the shrooms kicked in we both simultaneously realized we were not the right puzzle piece for the dubstep puzzle.
We made eye contact and were like we are not welcome here, the ravers are onto us and we need to get the fuck out before we get shuffled upon
I stole something. Which direction out are you guys gonna go
I thought my life was going to shit but then I read about Amanda Bynes and I realize it's not so bad
I'm at the level of despair that only Panda Express can fix
Soooo you know how I said I was trying to be a rational adult? Well that led to me fucking a rational adult today.
So now I have had sex with 2 people my son graduated high school with.
Reading becomes significantly more difficult when people are having crazy loud sex in an adjoining room
I just got yelled at by a stripper for being a tease.
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