The size of her hoop earrings are directly related to how much of a slut she is.
I love taking my adderall while im in class! As soon as I take the pill out everyone around me just stares in envy!
well hello there hangover. fancy meeting you here on this BRIGHT thursday morning.
i just feel like it would be irresponsible for you to not have sex with me again.
My vagina agrees.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We were eating hotdog buns dipped in French onion dip in lawn chairs at 4am. That drunk
Bring beers. The password is "I brought beers" but you can't come in if you're a liar
Dad was on the deck drinking straight bourbon. He stopped, puked on his feet, and then continued drinking and talking about compound interest.
my cockatiel has aquired a taste for beer. I should not be allowed to own exotic pets.
If I ever go to jail it will be because of you, I can feel it.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I gotta give him props though, I've never been propositioned for sex via flash mob.
Listen, I booty called my boss last night from the company phone. I may need to brush up my resume.
I figure blowing aggressively into a harmonica is better than screaming, "GET THE FUCK AWAY FROM ME YOU SOCIOPATHIC SUCCUBUS" to my sister, in the middle of an auditorium, during my mothers college graduation ceremony.
I let my daughters ex boyfriend take me home from the bar. Hey, at least he's old enough to drink
I wish the guy in the stall next to me would stop moaning while taking a dump.
I wish you'd stop texting me from the toilet.
I managed to convince her that the egg yolks were actually orange juice and she fell for it
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