Having a conversation over beer pong about a threesome I participated in...it's only Wednesday
what i wouldnt give for a night at orourkes without seeing 3+people ive slept with
dude. how can brian from family drink at fucking bars? he's a dog and definitaly doesn't have pockets.
even iPhones love lady gaga. everytime I type haha it trys to correct it to gaga. this is bullshit...
sometimes you have to go after what you want
true. and i really want to cum
One blow job doesn not make me gay.
I don't think child baring hips is a compliment.
I feel like I should have backed off when "I love you" came out on the third date. Now I'm in her bed wondering which door my shrine is behind. Fuck.
Listen, unless you want to spend your birthday in a trunk, you better invite me
How do I carry myself in a way that says "I swallow"?
Yeah, reverse cow girl. She was on top and I was playing Flappy Bird behind her back. Easiest way to have angry sex.
he gave me a flinstones gummy vitamin and was like, "ya know.. because of ebola."
You keep making the old jokes & I'm gonna come down with a sudden case of low-estrogen related vaginal dryness..
Just because I know you’ll get a kick out of this, I sneezed earlier and cupcake frosting came out
Not going to make it tonight. Some cougar at the bar just told me she has dibs on my dick.
Randomize
